Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The generation gap

Lesson learned: Never assume your elders will just accept everything you plan.

My fiance's parents were actually the first folks who received the invitations back in mid February, about 2 months ago. I was just the slight bit disappointed that they didn't jump-on-chair rave about the invitations, but it was positive feedback nonetheless and that was fine by me.

Fastforward 1.5 months to April 2, exactly 99 days before the big day. I get a call from FMIL while at work asking if I could chitchat. I said sure, and she went from one wedding topic to another, making me wonder if she was just bored and needed company. She chatted about the invitations and how many more I had to make. I told her I had finished almost everything already. And then she asked me the oddest question: Are we going to have a red carpet for our ceremony entrance? I said no, red is not in our wedding colors which are lavender, silver, and white. She asked, will we at least have red flower petals? I said no, for the same reason. And then slowly but surely, she started explaining that my FFIL was borderline shocked when he got our lavender invitations, because the color was so weird and un-wedding. At first, I thought it was due to the white/grayish vellum wrap. But no, it was the lavender.

the offending lavender

Then he jumped on speakerphone as well and they proceeded to tell me that all their relatives in Taiwan pretty much disapproved of this unhappy color. And of course, all my dreams of having white bouquets and centerpieces? Out the window. I understand about Chinese people not liking ALL WHITE bouquets because it represents death. But since when did lavender become a criminal color?!?! They have also told me no black, no yellow. And blue lighting? Too cold and sad. Seriously?!?!

I was absolutely peeved. So peeved that at 6pm in my office, I started raising my voice in frustration, explaining to them that I don't want red, that red clashes with the lavender I've chosen, that even my qi pao (Chinese outfit for tea ceremony) is purple! They said that if not red, then at least a really really dark pink, like magenta. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE magenta/fuschia and love flowers that come in that color. But I just didn't think it would go well with the current color scheme because both lavender and magneta are strong. Not to mention we hired a ridiculously expensive photographer who is perfect with soft, romantic, pastel colors. I totally freaked and asked them whether they wanted me to change the entire color scheme and to rush order new pink bridesmaids dresses for $1000 more. And to my dismay, my FMIL actually said yes, they would happily pay for the difference.

Suffice to say my weekend absolutely sucked. Imagine trying to plan a whole new wedding 3 months out, after planning EVERYTHING around lavender and silver for 1 whole year already. Good news is that my fiance is on my side and thought his parents were out of line. My parents, also Chinese but apparently a lot more modernized, LOVE my invitations and say all their friends and relatives (including my grandfather) also love them and the color choice. Two of my bridesmaids tried to calm me down and sway me from ordering new pink dresses. The current plan is to compromise and sort of meet in the middle. We'll keep the lavender bridesmaids dresses and the purple lighting and silver/lilac linens. Instead of a white/blush bouquet, mine will be all pink. And instead of white bouquets, the bridesmaids will have white/pink. As for the aisle and reception flowers, I originally was thinking a combination of lavender and white, but since my FFIL seems to hate lavender, we're thinking maybe pink/white. I know they hate white, but I need to put my feet down somewhere.

Is this something that a lot of brides go through?

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